Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize