Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
