last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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