i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
