when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
