I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
