I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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