yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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