i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
