at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
