We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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