i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
