did you get engaged???
Plan B is the new Plan A
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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