Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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