Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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