i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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