Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
