Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
