Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
