I'm eating all of the evidence.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
