In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
