DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
