So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
