You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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