I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
last night I used snow as a chaser
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