Whod you bang
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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