Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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