Porn is love you can see.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
