theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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