she was so not down for the gang bang
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nicole vs. Life
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
