I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
