No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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