her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
