I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
