I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
