I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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