I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
