ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
