I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
