Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How does one acquire holy water?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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