Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
