I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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