Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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