I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize