You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
