I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why do cheetos always look like penises
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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