I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
