Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
