I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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