I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
