Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
