Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
