We're like a lot better than the average bears
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
