Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
