our cab driver is having phone sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
