I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize