I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
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