before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
