thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
