lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
