Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
