you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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