No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
