So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
