There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
