On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize