Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
