Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Come see our sink grown plant.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
