apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
