I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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