omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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