piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
