Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
