So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
