I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
