Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
