you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
